Google+ House Revivals: W is for Wedding Decor, a what not to do list

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

W is for Wedding Decor, a what not to do list

Some of you may know our family is planning "the wedding of the century."   Just in case my daughter reads this blog, I won't use her real name.  And I won't use the name Bridezilla, either -- just in case she reads this blog.  We'll just call her The Girl.


The Girl is getting married-- to a wonderful man, I might add.  And she has BIG plans.  She has done drawings and budgets and booked a band and located a venue and found the perfect site for a beach ceremony.  It's going to be wonderful -- she's doing a great job.

Did I mention The Girl is an"oldest"?  Which is the same as saying The Girl is very bossy and likes to think she's in charge.  So, "We're" planning a wedding.  Which means "The Girl" is planning a wedding.  And "The Mom" is writing checks.  Lots of them. 

But there are some things money just can't buy.  Well, money can buy them, but they're not as good.  So.  I've been wielding a hot glue gun.  At my computer desk.  Since it's the only surface I can use in our tiny, temporary-until-we-buy-something-in-our-new-city apartment. After a day and a half, I have emerged not quite victorious, nowhere close to finished, and certainly not unscathed.  But I did create a list of how not to make wedding decorations.

1.  Don't use a hot glue gun in the dark.  I know this seems obvious, but some of us are old pros with the glue gun, and we think we don't need light, especially if our husband is sleeping right behind us on the fold out sofa while we're working.  Hmmmmmm, wake a sleeping bear by turning on the light?  Or glue in the dark?  The answer is: don't do either one of those things!  They're both bad ideas.  Just order the decorations from the internet.

2.  When driving across the city to find every marigold colored or turquoise colored lei in the entire metro area to later take apart and make into amazing lanterns, be sure plan your trip for the rush hours.  Also, if you can hit the streets with construction work, do that too.  Really, time alone in the car is great "down time".  You can meditate, or mentally plan your day.  What's left of it. After you sit in traffic for hours. 

3.  Don't hot glue any part of your face.

4.  When the silk flower you're so carefully gluing to the paper lantern falls off the lantern and into your lap, and the hot glue is branding your thigh, don't quickly grab up the flower.  And burn your hand.  And when you burn your hand?  Don't quickly grab the hot, molten flower glue combination with your other hand.  And when huge globs of glue burn your thigh and both of your hands?  That's why you're supposed to keep ice water handy when you use a glue gun.  Supposed to.  Unless you're an old pro who glues in the dark.

5.  Peel hardened hot glue from your face or your thigh or your hands carefully.  This is not a band-aid, that just rips out some hairs.  This could take off a layer of skin.  If it doesn't peel off readily and easily, leave it alone.  It will come off in it's own time.

6.  Wear pants when hot gluing any wedding decor.  Just do.  Remember the "thigh branding"?


7.  If you decide to save money by buying the white paper lanterns with butterflies printed all over them to use as your "base"(instead of colored lanterns that match the color of the flowers you are gluing on them), paint or cover them somehow -- before you spend five hours gluing forty dollars worth of silk flowers all over them.  Because those butterflies?  They show through.  And the white paper?  It shows through, too, meaning you have to glue lots more flowers in all the little spaces....



8.  If at all possible, buy a house during this process -- not just any house.  Buy a complicated house. One that requires drafting construction documents, and tricky financing.  This way, you can have tons of financial paper work, drafting supplies, and a craft project all piled up together on your keyboard. If you can throw a pile of orphan socks into the mix (because you live in a tiny apartment, and what in the world do you do with the orphan socks?!), then all the better.  This way, when the lantern starts to roll from the weight of the glob of glue you just put on it, you can get glue on everything-- financial documents, socks, and building plans.


source glue gun image  source mouse image

9.  By all means play several games of live online scrabble while carrying on multiple online chats.  In the dark. While using a hot glue gun.  It's especially nice if you momentarily forget the mouse is sharing space with a glue gun, causing you to mistakenly grab the glue gun on the hot barrel instead of the mouse.



10.  Decide to take a picture of the partially finished lantern with a light on inside it, to send to The Girl in another state. To show her that you have not been slacking.   Mistakenly think you can easily slip the lantern over the bulb in your floor lamp.  Get the wire armature of the lantern stuck in the curling tube of your compact fluorescent. Really, really stuck.  Take the picture.  Post the professionally embarrassing picture on the internet.  Because, after all, who wouldn't hire a designer who could make a lamp look like that?

This post is being linked to Jenny Matlock's Alphabe-Thursday.

20 comments:

  1. I laughed throughout this post. I'm so sorry you and the glue gun are at odds...I've painfully been there! I remember writing checks until my fingers hurt for my daughter's wedding...I guess it's just part of the process! I wish you luck with all of your undertakings and I'm sure everything will come together...It always does.
    Congratulations

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  2. Too funny!
    One thing I won't do is offer to hot glue anything, make any lamps or show my daughter this post, in case she gets any ideas!

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  3. The lantern is beautiful. I would be dangerous with a glue gun. If I decide to touch one, I will remember your tips.

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  4. Funny! Hope it all goes well on the big day. I suspect it will.
    Kathy

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  5. This was funny! I will take your tips and not using hot glue gun in the dark, or any time of day! LOL

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  6. LMAO. You totally crack me up. And I'm heartbroken that we won't be there. Our in-laws 50th is this year, and they're taking us ALL on an Alaskan cruise. Yes, poor me. But alas, I'll be on the ship while they tie the knot. I hope you'll post lots of pictures, though. And knowing you, the lanterns will turn out just great.

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  7. please dont ever solder jewelry...please, please please! LOL!

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  8. Cute post. I have 3 daughters. Only one has married so far. But she has married twice. Daughters weddings are very stressful.

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  9. I haven't laughed this hard in a while. Sorry for the hot glue pain, but it certainly made for an entertaining post. The lantern is really neat! Hope that all goes more smoothly from here on out. And I say ditto to Melinda's comment :) Kathy

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  10. OMG!! You poor thing! OUCH!!! My turn will come one of these days, but hopefully not soon, cuz I can't find my glue gun.

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  11. OMG....I was laughing out loud and I know we would be good friends. I am the mother of three married girls and the first two weren't all that interested in the details. The third daughter is the artistic, creative, decorating, party planning type and I wrote lots of checks and spent lots of time doing crazy things too. We didn't just blow the budget....we blew it out of the water. And, I just wrote those checks like I had that much money. The "girl" got married though and that is the last wedding for which I intend to pay. Great idea on the lantern. How many of those do you have to make? hahahaha

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  12. Funny post. The lantern did look beautiful though!

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  13. Really funny, thanks for sharing. I totally would have bought the white lanterns to save money, now I won't! If it makes you feel better, you saved me! And my lamp

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  14. Oh this was funny. I think you need to step away from the glue gun for a while, ha,ha. Eventually, this will pass and it will be a distant funny but wonderful memory of your daughter's wedding. Good luck getting everything done!! Great W post.

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  15. That's hysterical! I just did a wedding for a niece. Exhausting, fun...where'd I put that wine glass?

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  16. I have 5 daughters. I will need to remember all these what not to do's! hot glue guns are not to be taken lightly!

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  17. you cracked me up! everyone could use a glue gun intervention once in a while. for what it is worth...the lantern is looking good!

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  18. I am glad I have boys! I hope they don't get married for years and years! I will never glue gun in the dark and I hope your house is sorted soon so that you can find a home for your poor orphan socks!

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  19. I loved reading this post!! hahaha!! the hot glue on your thigh and hands...GET THE ICED WATER!!!!!!!! I never get the water ..until I burn myself..AGAIN...then I go get some...and of course don't get any on me for the whole rest of the episode!...love your writing..would love to see pics of The Girl's wedding.. :)thanks for sharing... :)

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